health shit again...i'm SO sick of this!

Oh, to be at this point again...just starting out...

I've got all kinds of shit going on with the ms (I refuse to call it my ms!). My new neurologist is going to let me get the iv steroids again, so they're ordered, hopefully be on them this week. But when I was at her office this morning, she suggested something I'd considered a couple years ago, but before I tried it, it was taken off the market, because a few people got PML from it. The medicine is called tysabri, and you get it intravenously every 6 months. It's back on the market again now. It's kinda like chemo or something for ms. So, if I decide to try it, it'd have to be way after I'm off the steroids, cuz your immune system can't be compromised when you're on it, that's what leads to pml. I haven't had this big a decision to make in forever, if ever. It wouldn't be that big of a decision, if pml wasn't possible, but since it is, I kinda have to decide if I'd be better off taking this chance, or do I want to continue living like this, going downhill every fuckin' day? Basically, is quality of life better than quantity? I mean, it's not like there's a certain chance of death if I do it...and, who knows, I may have a seizure and fall down and bash my head open on the desk or bathtub any time....who knows? This is really tough to try to decide. I guess I'm writing all this down because, hopefully, I can straighten it out in my head...and, any feedback will be appreciated, too. The chance of getting pml is really small, I think only a couple people got it & died from it from this over the last few years, I know they always have to tell you all the possible side effects to cover tne drug maker's ass (not to mention the doctor's!)...and I know it's probably not going to come down to a life or death decision, it's just, well, how would you feel if there's a drug that may help you feel better, or it may kill you (ok, maybe that's a little overdramatic, but...)? What would anybody do? I guess when it gets to the point I have to make a decision, I'll probably do it, desperation is a great motivator...

BoUnCeS!! LibbY!