One of the funniest jokes I've EVER read!!
And, yeah, I know...everybody "can just see me doing that!"
A woman came home from work early one day, & found her husband in bed with another woman. Immediately, she kicked the woman out of her house, and grabbed her naked husband by the ear, and hauled him downstairs and outside to the shed. Once inside, she put his penis in a vise grip, and he yelled, "No,no, you're not going to cut it off, are you??" She just smiled calmly and handed him a saw. "No, of course I'm not going to cut it off. I'm going outside to lock the shed & set it on fire. You do what you have to do."
...pause for appropriate laughter (& tears from the guys...)
A Blonde's Year in Review>
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February > Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!!
March> Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months....... box said "2-4 years!"
April > Trapped on escalator for hours ..... power went out!!!
May> Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June > Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July > Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August > Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top was open.
September > The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? !
October > Hate M & M's.. ...they are so hard to peel.
November> Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December > Couldn't call 911 . "duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!
Yeah, I had to put that on there...you know me...fair & balanced...