Thursday, March 29, 2007
Now, be honest...have ANY of you seen this guy??
And I think we passed this cat in Cleveland a couple weeks ago...
....and, OH, wouldn't it be a total miracle if this happened to one of the PETA assholes that thought the baby polar bear would be better off put to sleep than to live in a zoo!!! PETA...oh, puh-leez!
Mom just called, and, hey everyone, guess what? Yup, something weird happened at her house in the last few weeks too! The first thing she did was ask me if I'd called her yesterday. I said no, cuz I usually do every day, but for some reason I didn't. She just said, "Hmmmm". I was, 'why?' She said that the phone rang yesterday afternoon, and when Mom answered, she said hello, and it sounded like me on the phone talking to her about something, and there was a man's voice talking at the same time as mine! But she said she couldn't understand what I (or whoever it was!) was saying, so whoever it was finished what they were saying, and hung up. How freakin' weird is that?? That almost creeps me out a little...Then I was telling her about the totally odd that happened here this morning. It's all warm amd sunny today, mid-60's, and I usually go to bed around 1 or 2 am, then get up around 9 or 10. So, I did that today, then was just sitting in the bedroom reading, when all of a sudden, I hear Tif yell, "MOM!" (yes,she was here!!). I get up and come out to the dining room, and looked out the front door to see what she was talking about. So, on the other side of Tif's car, there are TWO DUCKS sitting there!!! In the front yard!! We live in town, just a regular area, no water or anything around here! We just stood there and stared at them for a few minutes, and back & forth at each other, like, 'are you SEEING this shit?' The ducks were just out there waddling around Tif's car...one of the ducks was a little bit smaller, and all brown, but the other one had a brown body, and a gold-colored stripe around its neck, and a totally magnificent blue head!! It was beautiful!! Unbelievable!! We could see it in total detail and clarity, because, the duck with the blue head kept walking up close to the porch! Tif came inside and got a few slices of bread, and we were able to just sit on the porch and have a nice morning and feed ducks, for heaven's sake!! That is truly freaky, there's no water or anything here, this is just a regular street, speed limit 35 mph, so, obviously, it's not especially quiet or anything! You know, thinking back about springtime, I think I've seen at least one little baby bunny every year in March...but...ducks in the city, waddling around beside a car in the driveway???
So, with all this weird stuff up here, and, of course I'm in the middle of a good scary book, I just started wondering...as old as the earth is, and as many people who've lived and died...would it even be a possibility that there's a square foot of land that doesn't have a body under it? That's a serious question, really, think about it. There's probably about 100 of them reclining under your basement right now!!
Mom & I were talking about some running around she'd done, to the dr's ofc yesterday, and she said that as soon as she walked in his office, the receptionist greeted her with a big ol' "Hi Mrs S! You want to pay something on your bill today?" (Mom's bill is paid down to 75.00, so she's not ALL that worried about it! Dad's insurance is awesome!). I giggled & told her she should have said, "No, not today! Ya wanna kiss my ass??" I told her she could say anything she wants to, and say...'oh...my daughter's been just an awful influence on me lately! Sorry!'
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Oh, man, does anybody who was EVER a little kid think it wouldn't have been the first thing for them to think of to do???
Monday, March 26, 2007
Spring is when all the girls start showing off their bellybuttons....
Oh, I am SO sorry for anyone who had a mouthful of food or soda...(you believe me, dontcha?)! Joe's mom blessed me with this picture yesterday, while I had a mouthful of donut...thought I should share the wealth....
Okay, lemme ask everybody something. Because it was all over the news this weekend (which it should have been, I'm not saying it shouldn'tve!), did anybody besides me sit here imagining Al Qaeda members sitting in front of tv's all over the world, taking notes on how easy it was to get to our animals' food supply? All it took there was a little bit of rat poison in the wheat gluten in China, and, well, we'd be dropping like flies. Give us all something NEW to worry about, huh? (Queen of Panic, that's for you!)
Well, the only exciting thing around here this weekend was when Tif went down to the Blue Jackets hockey game yesterday with a date....she loves hockey! Anyway, oh, we won, too, which always helps! Tif actually won the Diamond # 1 Fan yesterday, and they put her picture up on the big screen in the middle of the rink, and she won a $50 Diamond Cellar gift certificate! How COOL is that?? To actually BE one of those girls the cameras are picking out of the crowd cuz they're pretty or something? WOW!
Oh, and Truman got an exciting present delivered Saturday, that I got for him from Amazon. It's a big triangle yellow box with holes in it so it looks like a big wedge of swiss cheese...and it's full of little catnip mice. How many? Mmmmmm...60! But I think I'm having more fun with it than he is! Except I'm the stupid one with thumbs that has to pick them all up!! Think how embarrassing it is to have to tell someone, "Well, I hafta quit instant messaging now, cuz I have to pick all the mice up off the floor." Gawd! How humiliating! All I got for myself from Amazon was a new book...it's as good as I thought it would be so far, though. It's called 'Dry Ice', and, of course, it's a mystery book, with dead people, and all. What's really amazing is how new hardcover books smell, isn't it? Cuz it's actually been about a year or so since I bought a new book!! Cuz I like to get them used from eBay. But it really reminded me of being a little kid again, when Mom used to bring me home a new book from the mall every time she went out there!
Oh, yeah...Mom's health and everything...well, before she flew to Florida to stay with her sister for a week, she'd gotten a PET scan, and it came out all clear! How cool is that? And she only has one working kidney, and has been like that for awhile, but her dr checked that before she left, and he said she's doing fine with the one she has! I KNOW that had to make it a great vacation for her!!
Aw, damn!! Tif & her friend were just here, and I wish SO bad I would've watched & tivo'd the game yesterday, cuz everybody's been calling her at work and saying "I saw you on the Jumbotron on tv at the game yesterday!" And Jared from the Subway commercials was there too at the game! So, I hafta watch & tivo next Sunday, they're gonna be there for the game against the Red Wings (who was our favorite team before the Blue Jackets were here). Okay...gotta go eat...
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Okay...I'm taking over on the funny stuff, cuz it's a lot more fun to write!!
Even though this time, it's something hilarious that happened to Tif this weekend...
A guy that she knew was bringing her home from the bar they were at Saturday night...well, not home, per se, she was staying over with her two friends that rent an apartment, and they had wanted to leave earlier, so she asked this guy to take her home (not a stranger! she knows him, he's one of her friends!). So, they left when the bar/dance club closed at 2:30, and the guy had not been drinking at all, but...I'll be damned if he didn't get pulled over for his license plate light being burnt out! All I can figure is that the cops were really watching that bar (it IS popular!), and he had a reason right out in the open, to be pulled over! So they pulled him over, he passed the drunk tests, and all that, but there was a bag of weed right out there in front! So...he got arrested, then the cop leaned in the door and asked Tif if she was drunk. She, of course, said yes...I'm so glad she didn't try to lie about it! He said he'd take her to her friend's house on the way to the police station with that guy. While they're sitting in the car with him, that guy told Tif, 'Bail me out! The money's in my pocket!' She said, 'No, I'm not gonna dig around in your pockets!!' He said, 'You think I can? I'm in handcuffs, for God's sake!!' Meanwhile, the cop's sitting there dying laughing, cuz Tif is! Oh, before she got in the car, he asked her if she had any guns or knives on her! This is my little girl, who rode in a dryer a few weeks ago!! Hah!! She said,'No...but I have a pink camera...wanna see it?' OMG!! I'dve peed my pants laughing! Anyway, when they got to her friends' house, he pulled in the driveway to let her out. She opened the door and looked out, then looked back at the cop, and said, 'Can you pull over to the left a few feet, cuz I just bought these Coach shoes and I don't want to get them dirty...they were expensive, ya know? And they're white...' And, holy crap, he laughed...and did it!! Wow...look what girls can get! If a guy asked that, what would have happened?
Monday, March 12, 2007
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Okay, guys...lemme askya this...exactly which bathroom would you rather be stuck in??
It's actually been a quite 'eventful' couple days. Ummm...not good eventful, by any means, ya know. First of all, let me warn you...any friggin' time you get one of those really neat emails from a friend about friendship, that has all kinds of adorable pictures of puppies, kittens, little yellow ducks, things like that...you know, just a bunch of "awwwwww" shots. Well, just a warning to y'all...when you get to the page that says if you forward it to some friends, something will happen to you between 1 & 4 pm the next day. Well, lemme tellya...something really happened to me between 1 & 4 yesterday! Okay, I got up around noon yesterday, and made the bed & all, separated laundry, then went out to the kitchen and made a bowl of oatmeal (ok,ok, instant....but I like that kind!). Everything's goin' all smooth & everything, then I turned around to put the gallon of milk back in the refrigerator, and lost my stupid m'f*'ng balance, and fell forward, into the refrigerator, landing on the bridge of my nose right smak on the top shelf of the fridge. And I have no idea where my hands were, well, I had the milk in one hand & didn't wanna drop it, ya know. Anyway, I landed on my knees first, then flipped over so I was sittin on my butt against the inside of the fridge, cuz the door was still open...then...the plastic strip that holds all the bottles in (ya know, vodka, ketchup, green ketchup...etc), broke, and every single one of those bottles ended up on my lap. Meanwhile, I felt like my nose was running, then looked down and discovered that my nose was bleeding like a faucet!! Holy crap, what a friggin start to my day that was! Finally, I quit cryin' (it HURT! probably more than having a baby...I didn't cry then), cleaned the blood off the floor, like, say, 6 inches or so...looked like it, anyway! Felt like it too. Oh, and, by the way...what time was this? Well, this whole 'debacle' lasted from about 1 til 3. By then I'd learned my lesson, and sat on the bed and read a book til 4:05, when I got in the shower. So, I dunno, maybe I should've called 911 or something, but, it was just my nose for heavens sake! I don't know if it's broken or not, but I know it's crooked, swollen, all bruised, etc. At least my eyes aren't black today, which they looked like they were gonna be yesterday. But I do have an appt with my ms dr at the Cleveland Clinic tomorrow, and I'll have her take a look at it, and tell me what she thinks I should do. And, I guess, if I end up having to have it rebroken & fixed, oh well...I never really thought that they took enough off when I got my nosejob when I was 21...this time maybe I could have them take some more off this time if they have to do something! At least this time I could do it all the way asleep, not under a local anesthetic, with a couple valiums to 'loosen my nerves up'. Or so the dr said...haha, how did HE know??
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Random shit...isn't that what Sundays are for?
Well, this picture 'The Scream'...that is my life lately. Anyway, I was doing shit on the computer this week, because, ya know, they always say you don't get old so fast if you keep your brain busy learning stuff. So, here I am, reading all the refi ads, ditech, eloan, all of 'em...and I went to a website that explained 'amortization', and all that. And I'm actually finding out that I'm good at this stuff...after absolutely HATING math & anything to do with it in school!! But, this is the funniest part of it....I was telling my cousin, Boo, about this on the phone one night, and asked her if she had ever in her life used the word "amortization" before (she's a kindergarten teacher, so I assumed not). She laughed, and said, it almost sounds like a weird pickup line! But, it's definitely not as bad as the one I heard you get at the "Blind Pig" bar in Toledo...a guy told me he'd drink my bathwater! EEeeeeeeewwww!! I wouldn't even drink my own bathwater!!! I had forgotten all about that line...Thanks, Boo!! Ack! But anyway, next week, I figure I'll try to work on the stock market stuff. I'm quite disappointed in the fact that my dad had always tried to get me into that, brought home the Wall Street Journal every day, but I never got in to it. I'm kicking my own ass now...
Hey!! Mom's in Florida now, with her sister & her sister's friend, who own a winter place down there! I SO hope she's having the time of her life!! I do know she told me that she didn't have a lot of the warm weather clothes she wanted (yeah, right...Mom has 2 closets full of clothes with the tags still on 'em!)....then Bro showed up at the door with a HUGE suitcase on wheels, and told her to buy all her clothes down there, and use that to bring them home! How cool!! Mom was telling me that when we went to London, either time, she NEVER took a suitcase THAT big!! And the second time we went it was for a month! Bro & I are just glad she's getting away from Psycho for a week. He is just not good for her, in our not-so-humble opinion! And he's over there every evening for dinner, no matter what time he gets off work in Columbus! But, obviously, Bro & I will not say anything to her. If she's happy, that's all that matters! Her last PET scan came out clear, which is GREAT, and she went to her kidney dr last week, and he said that the one kidney she has is doing good, so she was good to go to Florida for a week or two!! Woohoo!!
Have you heard about the husband up in a suburb of Detroit, that killed his wife, dismembered her, & ran? And they found him running up to northern Michigan, first driving, then he left his car and ran barefoot through the snow. He's in the hospital now, and they're still looking for some of his wife's remains, in Macomb County (Detroit). OMG! So...I'm so smart...I asked Kevin "Since you've always been a meat manager, would you KNOW how to cut up a human??" "Aww, shit yeah, that probly wouldn't be much different than, let's say, a chicken. You'd cut here....and here....and here...heck, it wouldn't even be through the bones, just the joints..."...and I always sleep restfully next to this man every night...if I'm gone someday...
He also used to cut up deer during hunting season here in Ohio every year, and make deer burgers, deer jerky for the hunters. I remember once when I walked into the produce cooler at that store, and I just about jumped out of my shoes...there was a deer in there waiting to be processed, it was bunched up in a cart!! Eyes open and all!! Eeeewww! That was a PRODUCE cooler!! That's so offensive!