You've done your best to beat me down into a shadow of what I was supposed to be (in my mind, anyway!), but I thank God every day for making me be a strong woman to begin with, & giving me more strength with every new symptom that shows up...and that's been a whole fucking lot of symptoms over the last 17 years! Hell, I lost the physical ability to write in 1995, so it's a total blessing that computers have become something that nearly everyone has now. So, blah! Screw you! For some reason, the strongest people are the ones who are cursed/blessed with any kind of chronic disease...for the most part, the people who can still DO things seem to melt away into the background of your life, no matter how diligently they profess their undying support & affection. They probably still do, and that's okay, I've found a lot of friends since, and my life is still full! And, I've learned to expect that, you lose the level of respect for some, but, you learn some people you're better off losing them, instead of hanging on for too long....remember the saying "Familiarity breeds contempt" I've found it's all too true...
Honestly, if it wasn't for me being the one with this hated disease & learning all the ins & outs of it firsthand, who knows?? I may have taken off running. As much as I'd HATE to admit it, I might've run too! See, so that's why I think the strongest people are the ones who get this disease...cuz if I wasn't this strong, I'dve offed myself a loooooonnnnnnnggggggg time ago! One definite thing you learn is patience! When you learn how little you can do, on your own, and you have to do everything slowly, cuz you'll fuck up if you hurry, trust me, you'll learn patience.
Or, when I voluntarily quit driving when I was 40, oh my God, there was almost nothing I'd rather do than drive! From the first time I could drive, it was "my thing"...Mom always used to say I took to driving like a duck took to water! I always loved hearing her say that. I even requested to be transferred to a store 50 miles north of Marion when I was 20 years old, and it was the perfect job for me. Took exactly an hour up 23N to get to, but it was a great drive through the country, I never had to go deal with driving to some big city...it was just me & my rock...all through the 80's!
I'm really glad that I never knew I had ms until I was 29. If I'd known that I was going to get hit with the big "disabled" stick when I was a teenager, I never would've had, well, holy hell...Tiffany! Now that hurts like hell to think...because I still think she's the best of me, you know?
Anyway, you worthless sack of shit around my neck, I'm done writing you a worthless letter that doesn't make me feel better, just more depressed...thanks for the added strength...
BoUnCeS!! LibbY!
