Sunday, September 13, 2009

A run-in with a raccoon...in the middle of town!


The Psychiatrist and Proctologist

Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading:"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors."
The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read, "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids."
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Catatonics and High Colonics." No go.
Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives." Thumbs down again.
Then came "Minds and Behinds." Still no good.
Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." Unacceptable again!
So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts." Not a chance.
"Nuts and Butts?" No way.
"Freaks and Cheeks?" Still no go.
"Loons and Moons?" Forget it.
Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with:
Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, "Odds and Ends."
Everyone loved it.

I'm starting to get addicted to dumbass jokes!

Before I transferred to my new store, a friend of mine wanted me to spend a weekend with him at his new house in Fort Wayne. So I made sure Mom & Dad would keep Tif that weekend, and I drove over there. Not a bad drive, I'm thinking it was maybe 3 hours...but, did I mention, I love to drive? Yeah...
So I went, had a great weekend, and drove home Sunday night...I still remember the song on the radio, Wang Chung...Everybody Have Fun Tonight! Wow! That brings back huge memories of coming home the last hour was on a dark & lonely country road....(sounds like the beginning of a good book, doesn't it?).
When I got back to town, I decided to drop my suitcase off at home before I picked Tif up. I pulled my car up in my parking space at my apartment, and started unloading my stuff. Then I walked across the back of the house, because the steps upstairs went along that side of the house. They were just a regular set of stairs up to my door at the second floor of the house. It was about 11 pm, and I wanted to hurry up, cuz to go to my new job an hour away, that meant that I'd have to get up at about 5:45 am, to get Tif up & ready, take a shower, feed her breakfast, do my hair & makeup & all that, take Tif a few blocks down the street to her babysitter's, and get back in the car & go get a can of Coke, and then get on route 23 north to get to work by 8. Phew...it never seemed like it was THAT much to do! 'Course, at that age, nothing is too much!
Well, here I was, lugging my big ol' suitcase, and I put my foot on the bottom step to my apartment, then I looked up, and realized I was staring a huge raccoon in the eye! OMG!! He was at the top of the steps...looked like he'd been knocking on the door or something! Scared the crap outta me! I backed down and away from the steps, & watched to see where he went. After about 10 minutes, he came walking slowly down the steps and went trotting toward the street. To his home. In the sewer!! Ick!!

BoUnCeS!! LibbY!

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