Thursday, August 24, 2006


Geez! It's been forever since I sat down and wrote anything in here! Damn! Life's just been so busy & shitty lately, well, I don't want to do a G-damn thing except sleep...
Tif & I got a call Sunday (well, Tif got the call from my mom Sunday) that my cousin"s daughter was killed in a car accident Saturday night. She was only 20, and she was a gorgeous girl, so much in front of her! She had tried the National Guard, didn't like that, but was still in college for equestrian training (she was a horse nut, and lived in the country with her parents & younger brother, in the house her dad (my cousin) built on my grandma's land years ago, so she had horses too). My God, why does her family have to deal with this? Her mom & dad can deal with this, but her 18 year old brother is totally crushed, and can't stop crying. I hugged him at the funeral yesterday, and I havent seen him for years, I honestly don't know if he knew who I was, except for the fact that I was the one in a wheelchair and I was with Tif, who he's always been close to, he and his sister and my brother's daughter all used to play together when they were able to, the girls were all older than him, and they used to chase him, calling him "Graham cracker" cuz of his name, until he'd cry. Can you imagine what the poor little boy went through, being chased by three 4 or 5 year old girls teasing him when he was only 2 or 3? God! It's amazing he wasn't scarred for life!
So, the funeral was handled by the same funeral home that did my dad's, and she was buried in the same cemetary. Tif & Zak took me up there for the funeral, which was at the church in the teeny little town my whole family has always been in and close to. As a matter of fact, I had Tif baptised in the church 2 doors down from that when she was 6 months old!
I told the funeral director "We've gotta stop meeting like this", and I was bawling all the way through this, and I felt, well, almost guilty, (do ya understand that?) when I was hugging my cousin & his wife, because I still have my daughter with me. Thank God, Tif felt the same way, cuz we sat there squeezing each other's hands the whole time. I guess this was the biggest funeral and calling hours this church & funeral home had ever had...I didn't make it to the calling hours the day before, but they were scheduled for 2 pm-8 pm, but there were still people lined up outside waiting to go in at 11:45 pm! And I thought it was really neat, that the preacher had known her for 10 years, and he said, in the middle of the sermon, that if it was the Gwen he knew, she was in heaven right now, sitting next to God, telling him how to do things!
We all went back to the church after the cemetary, to eat with everyone, cuz there were about 200 people there! So, Tif, Zak, and I went back there, and that church didn't have an elevator, which was really weird, but you know what? Guys got together and carried my wheelchair (with me in it!) up & down the stairs!! And somebody asked me, "Well...were they cute?" and I told her "well, they were all somewhere between 50 & death...but they were nice!!"
All right, I guess that's part of my shit life right now, there's SO much more going on, but I don't even want to go there...suffice it to say, my life is going to change drastically soon...

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