Friday June 9

Okay...now...who in blogland should get this haircut??

It's kinda been a long week. Tiff & I went to the nursing home Wed to visit Dad, and he seems like he's even worse. It's like he's 'fading away'. Not just as in losing more weight (which he is), just, mentally, he isn't here...it's not that he is crazy or Alzheimer-like, or even dementia. He's doing nothing but sleeping, probably 20 hrs out of the day, except when somebody's there. And even when we were there, his nurse got him in a wheelchair, cuz they have a salon there in the building, and it's open 3 days a week for the people that live there. It was closed Wednesday, but we had set it up so that Tiffany could use it to cut Dad's hair out there using that room. They let her do it because she has her salon manager's license. We took him there, and Tiff started cutting his hair, and his head just nodded down until his chin was on his chest, & he was snoring. So she went ahead & cut the back while he was sleeping, and then had to wake him up and make him look ahead so she could do the front.

Dad didn't really talk at all while we were there. Not because he was mad at us or anyting, just...well, I don't think he has the strength to talk. He did whisper once, to ask if Tiffany wanted paid for doing his hair. Cuz, like I've said, money is important for him (I think cuz he didn't have any when he was young, and when he got older & started working, he had enough for anything, even supported his family up in Michigan for years.) Of course she said no, Grandpa! He kept looking at her, like he thought he should anyway, until she finally said, no, Grandma gave me a twenty dollar tip yesterday, and that is plenty to cover this too! So then we took him to the dining room, they were serving lunch. They put a plate of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and a vegetable that looked like sliced up zucchini (bleeaaahhh! I knew he wouldn't want that...hell, I wouldn'tve eaten it if I was being PAID to!!), and a cup of pudding & a bowl of Jello, and a glass of milk (whole milk! I looked at the paper that came with the food to see! Cuz if there's a real important thing he needs, it's FAT!!) But anyway, Tiff had taken the seat between us (she is, and always has been 'Grandpa's girl', even though Bro has 3 girls, 2 of whom are older), and she just leaned over and picked up his spoon, & started feeding him. OMG, I am so proud of her! She's very thoughtful, especially of older people. I told Kevin about that later, and said, well, maybe when WE get old(er), she'll be nice to us, ya think? He just snickered...

Dad ate like 1 bite of meatloaf, 2 bites of potatoes, & half the pudding, half the Jello, and drank half the glass of milk, & his nurse said that was WAY more than he usually eats! I swear, he''s gotta be around, maybe 95 lbs now. It's not that they're starving him out there, or anything. But I do know that he's not only told Bro that he's tired, just wants to sleep now, and his younger sister (8 kids in his family!) the same thing when she was down here to see him.

After we got done with his lunch, we had to take him out in the hallway to wait for the transport van to pick him up, cuz he had an appointment with a doctor at a hospital, Mom & Bro's son were meeting him there. It's to talk to the actual surgeon who would be putting in his feeding tube. But I thought about it all afternoon after I got home, and even though Dad said yes to it when they talked about it a few weeks ago, I thought more & more...would it actually be nicer & more loving, since I now do think he's having a hard time thinking clearly after the mini-strokes he had a couple weeks ago...should we let him just do what he's doing and not eat, until he possibly dies from it? I guess he did say yes he wanted a feeding tube...but that was about a month ago...so now, who knows??? He is 88 years old, and his mind still seems to be there, he just can't talk above a whisper now...but I think his brain still works...after all, the times that Tiff and I have gone out there, he always tells Mom we were there...and knows who has come to see him all the time. Shit, I just don't have a clue what to think! Damn, damn, dammit!! Fuck, fuck, fuck....with a 'horsepiss' thrown in there too! I was gonna call Bro, to get his opinion, but I called his office, and they said he's in Vegas til Sunday. I forgot he was going, it's been planned for a long time, he's taking his two oldest daughters out...one graduated from college, and his oldest daughter just got her master's degree. My head is just all fucked up, trying to figure out WHAT to think!!

LibbY!