Wednesday, June 14, 2006

yeah, Wednesday...

The second shirt is the one I wish I had...I already have a t-shirt that says "Bite Me", but this says it better...
My lfe is getting more & more fucked up with every day that goes by. If you dont wanna be depressed, stop reading right here.

OK, I went & put on my t-shirt that says "Bite Me", and I feel better now!!
Bro called me this morning, & Mom has called me, she's bringing Bob Evans food over for breakfast, so I'll finish after..
Mom just now left...she was here for about two hours, but she really didn't talk to me much. I really tried to get her to open up & talk to me about everything. Mom's like the polar opposite of me.......even my cousin says she wouldn't say shit if she had a mouthful! I've told Mom, even before she was diagnosed with heart disease, that she better start letting her feelings out, cuz holding them in does NO good!!
Lemme start at the beginning of this 2 day debacle...yesterday afternoon, I was just getting out of the shower (at 4:30pm!), and Mom called. I had the cordless phone in the bathroom with me (always do that, in case I fall!). So I answered it, and listened to what she was saying. She really sounded upset about the fact that her chemo dr has her scheduled for a hearing test the day before she goes back for the chemo schedule. I told her that I understood why she was upset about that, cuz, actually, I don't think she gives a shit about her hearing, just work on her fucking cancer!! I'd feel just like that too!! I guess the dr wants this done, and it's important to him, so...I asked her if she had asked him why she was having this, and she said 'no...I'll ask him next time I see him...' Fine, time she sees him will be the day after she goes to the other dr and has the hearing test!! OMG...I cannot tell her to say anything...well, I can tell her to, but she will not EVER open her mouth!
So, I came out here and sat down in the computer chair, cuz my Coke & cigarettes were out here and the battery on the cordless phone was running, obviously, I'm freaking sitting here naked, with my legs up on the desk, all comfortable & everything, and all of a sudden I hear the front door open!
It was Kevin, and I told Mom Kevin just walked in, I should go get dressed. She said 'oh, yes! get dressed!'
I said, 'well, it's not that big of a deal...he's seen it before...' I left out the fact that that's maybe why we got married...
So, I called Bro this morning & told him how I talked to Mom yesterday, and she sounded there was something on her mind that she didn't want to say to me. He said he'd like me to try to get her to talk more...cuz, basically, the only person she's actually talking to is our older brother, Psycho.
It seems that Dad told Mom & Bro yesterday separately that he does NOT want the feeding tube, said if he gets it in his stomach, he'll just pull it out! Dad keeps asking (begging!) Mom to get him out of there everytime he talks to her! And Bro just found out yesterday that Psycho had left a note at the nurses station for Dad not to call home!! Grrrrrrr!!! Bro took that order off immediately!! Thank God for Bro, my NORMAL big brother!! My biggest question is WHY does Mom ONLY listen to her Psycho son?? Bro's wife & I call Mom regularly, as do Bro's kids & Tiff! But it's like she won't listen to anyone except her oldest son! Now it's starting to seem as if they both want Dad out of the house permanently! I asked her today,'Well...would you want Dad to do this to you?' She said no, but it's not the same...I don't know what to do....Bro told me this am that if he could, he'd just wash his hands of the whole thing...but he knows he can't!

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