sigh...

Some days it's not even worth it to chew through the restraints...

Has anyone but me ever woke up sobbing, and wishing you never had to wake up again? Yeah...thought so...

I have to write down this dream I had, after I had woken up like that at 5 am Sunday morning. And this is gonna be a post to help me figure out some shit, it's not gonna be a normal, smartass post, I just need to write it out to maybe make some sense outta it...so, read it or not...hopefully, I'll get back to normal soon...

After I woke up like that, I think I went out and sat in the living room for awhile. Then I went back to bed and went back to sleep for a few hours. And had this dream...
Kim and I were out for some reason, at a car dealership, and I was driving...in my red Yugo, for God's sake! We got out of the car, and were walking around looking at other cars. I had my wheelchair, and wasn't sitting in it, I was walking behind it for balance. I remember we went in the dealership to go pee, but decided not to, because the restrooms stunk, from about 10 feet away! We went back outside, and walked around some more...I wasn't pushing my w/c (hate to type that whole word!) anymore, I had left it inside, and was walking just fine then. The dealership was in a hilly area, and we were walking up and down the hills to see all the cars. Then we went back to the building, cuz it was starting to get colder and rainy. We were standing in a line inside to talk to some lady behind a desk for some reason, and another lady came up from behind the line and started spraying something out of a bottle (like a Windex bottle) on everyone in the line. Everyone turned around to see what the hell she was doing, and she explained that she had to do this, her boss made her, it was anti-terrorist spray! Now that was funny, the whole line was dying laughing at her!
After the 'hilarity' ended, it stopped raining outside, and got sunny. Kim and I decided to leave, and went outside to my car...but it was locked. We checked our pockets for the keys, looked everywhere we'd been for them, but...nothin'! So I went back in, and asked the person behind the desk if they had a Yugo key I could use just to get in & start my car, I'd give it right back. So they gave me a key that was attached to a great big metal rod, (so nobody could steal those keys to those valuable cars, I s'pose...). So, I used the key at the end to open the door. That got us in, and for some reason, I sat down in the passenger seat. I guess cuz I had already sat in the driver's seat, and realized that I didn't have an ignition key! So I was digging through all the glove compartment, on the floors, on top of the thing under the windshield, which had a bunch of papers and general junk on it (yes, I'm a natural slob!). Finally, I found the ignition key under all the papers. It was like, "Voila!! I can get outta here!" And that's all I remember before waking up.

So I thought about it all day and night yesterday. The thing I'm kinda getting out of it is, well, today is 12 years to the day that I was diagnosed with ms, and, well, I'm glad nobody's ever here (they're at work) to hear me all day. Another thing I get is, it was Sunday morning, maybe God is trying to tell me something. And the biggest thing I get from this is...somehow, somewhere, I need to find my 'key' to get out of this place I'm in...sound correct?