Saturday, October 06, 2007

pourquis pas?

...why, you ask? Spite....that's it, that's all, it just makes me FEEL better!! That's always a very satisfying answer if someone asks, "Why did you do that?" Well, I guess you could also say "Malice!"...but that just doesn't sound as good...*hahaha*.
It's been a strange few days for me...I did something I never, ever in a gajillion years would've thought I would...since I can't drive myself, I rode the city's bus to a dr's a service I don't think most people in town know we have! It actually used to be a city bus that rode around town, but they quit doing that, cuz it wasn't worth the money (not enough riders), but they have it now, and if you need a ride somewhere, you call their dispatch office, and ask for it, and they'll pick you up!! Can you believe this?? Wow! And, since I needed the bus with a wheelchair lift, I just had to make the appointment 24 hrs in big deal! This is the first time I took my electric (battery?) w/c outside the house. Okay, so I never have, cuz #1, it's just not even anywhere near as 'bad-ass' as my scooter, and, #2, well, it's a wheelchair, very big & comfortable & probly expensive (thank God for insurance!), but I just can't help but think I look like Mr Potter, you know, the movie, It's A Wonderful Life? Only I'm not as old (or rich!). Anyway, I actually didn't sleep at all Thurs night, I think I was having a bunch of actual panic attacks...hyperventilating & stuff! just because, well, I was 'weirded out' by the whole fact that I even had a physical need to do this. God, it was hard to go through this! But it's time for me to force myself to do stuff I really don't want to.Shit! That means it's happened! I DID grow up!! Bullpiss! SO not fair! You know? I thought like most kids always do, that I'd go out in a 'blaze of glory', never just 'fade away'! Mmmmm...I guess there is something meant by the phrase about 'the best laid plans of mice and men...'
So, I started thinking around 5 am about how I didn't feel like going, was gonna call & cancel the dr & the bus cuz I didn't get any sleep Thurs night (I've already done that once). But, no, I pulled my head out of my ass, & did it. And, you know what? I'm so glad I did. I was sitting out front in my w/c, and the driver pulled up right at 1:30 pm, loaded me in, and it's maybe a five minute drive across to the hospitals & dr's offices. And, can you guess what it cost?? $1.25 there, $1.25 back! And I was the only person on there. They must have a lot of people riding it at other times, cuz there's NO WAY to do anything that cheap! Both the drivers I rode with both times were super nice, knew how to put the w/c in and all that...they're older, I think retired guys, they each work half the day. And the morning driver ("just call me Pops!") told me about something I might go to this weekend, a tour of the cemetary, going over some of the more famous families in town. In all, I did the right thing by sucking it up, & not being a baby. And after I got home, I ate dinner, and slept for 15 hours straight! And got up this morning at 9, and didn't need a nap! I guess it's been a psychological thing all week, I've had it on my mind.
Tonight, I was reading and stuff, and decided I hadn't been candy shopping in a LONG time! So I took my scooter out, it was about 6:30, just starting to get 'dusky', but it only takes 5 minutes to ride my scooter to Certified...but, I stopped and talked to the girl who sells Midget football stuff, & her friends on the way...then I took off and got to Certified, and spent WAY too long "browsing" in the candy aisles...and when I left and started home, and went underneath one of the big trees that hangs over the road, I realized it was darker than a bagful of assholes out!! And I don't have a headlight! My scooter isn't even street-legal, for heaven's sake! It does have enough reflectors to look like a UFO, so...everybody can see me, I just can't see any kind of big cracks in the road or sidewalk! But...I have all the candy I'll need for a long time...circus peanuts, gummy lifesavers, candy necklaces, 'Whatchamacallit' candy!
So, for the most part, that's been a lot of my week. But, has anyone besides me ever realized "My life is just a half-step from a Jerry Springer show." SO true...
BoUnCeS!! LibbY!

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