Okay...pirate, this is in answer to your 'bad jokes'!
A woman came home from work early one day, & found her husband in bed with another woman. Immediately, she kicked the woman out of her house, and grabbed her naked husband by the ear, and hauled him downstairs and outside to the shed. Once inside, she put his penis in a vise grip, and he yelled, "No,no, you're not going to cut it off, are you??" She just smiled calmly and handed him a saw. "No, of course I'm not going to cut it off. I'm going outside to lock the shed & set it on fire. You do what you have to do."
HA!! BoUnCeS!! LibbY!