Sunday, July 30, 2006

i'm actually missing jenga (but DO NOT tell truman!)

I did almost less than nothing today...(I sound like I'm proud of that shit, don't I?). Well, it was really, really hot outside today, so I didn't go out, I went from sitting on the bed in front of that air conditioner reading, stretched out & took a nap. then came out here to the dining room, plopped down here in front of the computer, & the huge air conditioner, and I've only been up from here to pee & take a shower...(it's a good thing I got up to pee, huh? I'd hate to be sitting in a puddle now...).

Well, I did watch some movies today. I turned on the media center tv in the computer, and checked out all the movie channels we get with digital cable, and I found "Flight Plan", which I had rented the first day it was out, and it was excellent. First "Independence Day" was on, so I watched that too. And I caught something in that movie that I hadn't before. Okay, get this...aliens are positioning their huge craft over our major cities...the people who are there to reassure us & protect us are on tv saying, "Don't panic...If you decide to leave the city, please go in an orderly fashion." Correct me if I'm wrong, but...if you can't panic now, when the hell are you supposed to?? And it seems to me that the minute somebody says, "Don't panic.", you fucking know that there's something to panic about!

I would love to know if there's any way that a person could possibly 'grow out' of OCD! Because, everything I see on the Discovery Health Channel about it...well, those behaviors were me, before I got to the 6th grade! I had to do something a certain number of times, had to go up the stairs stepping only on certain steps, had to hold my breath if I walked past a person who looked different, or 'yucky', etc...but nobody ever knew about any of that. I don't think those are normal behaviors for a kid under the age of 12 or so, are they? But from what I've heard & watched about OCDs, you just don't get over them that easily, do ya? And I have none of that left at all. At least as far as I know...of course...maybe people in my life are just being polite and not telling me...naaahhhh, people in my life aren't that polite.

Well, shit, it's 3:30 am, and I really oughtta go to bed and quit watching the Health Channel, before I end up with nightmares. The worst shows ever on here is shows about kids who are born with something wrong with them...I thank God all the time that Tif had nothing wrong with her! I could never be pregnant now, knowing everything that could go wrong with a baby during pregnancy!

Okay...update on my mom...I call her every morning to see how she is, and she always says she's fine, but, you know how moms are...they wouldn't tell you if their heads fell off & they were kicking around on the kitchen floor to find it (you know...the eyes are in the head, remember?). She's only had 2 chemo treatments so far, and in my opinion, why have they waited so long to start them? And she told me yesterday that she's not gonna get any for 2 weeks, because her oncologist is gonna be on vacation...HUH??? She said, oh well, he doesn't want anybody else to handle it while he's gone. I'm sorry, but I lost it! I said, "What in the hell are you talking about?? It's his's your freakin' life!!!" She said "Now Libby, he's going to have to go on vacation sometime, and somebody's going to get sicker while he's gone" And I said, "Maybe he should've thought about that before he decided to go into oncology, and he should've opened an office for family practice or something!!"

But when the PA went over what's gonna happen with the chemo...she was told that with the low dose she's going to get, she shouldn't have a problem with getting sick & puking, but her hair will fall out. And she totally lost her appetite after the first time. I asked her if she wanted to come over and smoke a joint with me, but she politely demurred...not that I have any, but, for my mom, I'd send Tif somewhere to buy the shit! Or make her take me to buy it! Cuz I'm sure she doesn't get high, but I know for a fact that she has friends that do. Then after I got off the phone with her, I started wanting to rip my tongue out...I actually asked the person who's been closest to me for my whole life if she wanted to smoke ANYTHING!! She has fucking stage 4 lung cancer, fakkrissakes!!

Okay, that's it...done...

BoUnCeS!! LibbY!

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