hey, this is FUNNY!!
From: Bin Laden, Osama [mailto:email@example.com]Sent: Monday, November 19, 2001 8:17 AMTo: CavematesSubject: The Cave Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours but we've really come together as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster that says "There is no I in team" as well as the one that says "Hang In There, Baby." That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave. And frankly I have a few concerns.
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you don't want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave daily. I've posted a sign-up sheet near the main cave opening.
Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while we're taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background. Just while we're taping. Thanks.
Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene, especially after mealtime. We're all in this together.
Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote "Osama" on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Richard.
Love you lots.
Okay...now that my sick humor is out of the way, I can get down to my real business.
I actually did do a couple things today...1) went to victoria's secret.com, and shopped...and...2)scooped poop outta Truman's box..Well, that's work isn't it?
Honestly, I learned a few months ago that it's MUCH better to get on the damn website to order anything! Because I called Victoria's Secret a couple months ago.. just to order a shirt I saw in the catalog (Kevin gets one in the mail every week or so!) that wasn't on the website. And the shirt I wanted was only about $30.00, but I was the BIGGEST sucker in the world! By the time I came back down to earth (yeah, I was abducted by aliens, that's it! but I refused the anal probe...), my order was over $100.00!! Holy crap!! How did that happen?? Never again! Internet for all...and to all a good night! I wonder if she was on commission...she was a damn good salesperson, I have to admit...
Okay, I just remembered a good "Kim story". First of all, I have to say, my dad was Archie Bunker personified....he even kinda looked like him (remember, Mom and Dad were both well into their 40's before they were 'blessed' with me.). So once when they were taking me & Kim up to visit his friend/business associate at his house on Lake St Clair, and we had to drive on the highway when we got close to Detroit. Dad was cussin' away, tossing racial 'epithets' toward all the other drivers, and all of a sudden his big old Buick we were in started to hiss, & we all saw steam come from the hood of his car! My mom was freakin', "Bob, stop, we'll all be killed!!!" He pulled over to the side of the highway and stopped, gave my mom a look I NEVER want to get, then he got out of the car & raised the hood & acted like he knew what he was doing (but I guess that's just a guy thing, isn't it?). Pretty soon a black guy stopped his pickup truck behind us and walked up to dad with a can with a funnel in the lid, and talked to Dad for a second, then poured the water in. Lo and behold, the car started right back up when Dad got in & tried it. So, Kim and I were giggling, snorting, laughing in the backseat. Finally (Ihave NO idea where she got the guts!) Kim sat up and said "So...did you tell the 'spook' thank you?" (that was his word, not ours!)