yeah, Wednesday...

The second shirt is the one I wish I had...I already have a t-shirt that says "Bite Me", but this says it better...
My lfe is getting more & more fucked up with every day that goes by. If you dont wanna be depressed, stop reading right here.

OK, I went & put on my t-shirt that says "Bite Me", and I feel better now!!
Bro called me this morning, & Mom has called me, she's bringing Bob Evans food over for breakfast, so I'll finish after..
Mom just now left...she was here for about two hours, but she really didn't talk to me much. I really tried to get her to open up & talk to me about everything. Mom's like the polar opposite of me.......even my cousin says she wouldn't say shit if she had a mouthful! I've told Mom, even before she was diagnosed with heart disease, that she better start letting her feelings out, cuz holding them in does NO good!!
Lemme start at the beginning of this 2 day debacle...yesterday afternoon, I was just getting out of the shower (at 4:30pm!), and Mom called. I had the cordless phone in the bathroom with me (always do that, in case I fall!). So I answered it, and listened to what she was saying. She really sounded upset about the fact that her chemo dr has her scheduled for a hearing test the day before she goes back for the chemo schedule. I told her that I understood why she was upset about that, cuz, actually, I don't think she gives a shit about her hearing, just work on her fucking cancer!! I'd feel just like that too!! I guess the dr wants this done, and it's important to him, so...I asked her if she had asked him why she was having this, and she said 'no...I'll ask him next time I see him...' Fine, but...next time she sees him will be the day after she goes to the other dr and has the hearing test!! OMG...I cannot tell her to say anything...well, I can tell her to, but she will not EVER open her mouth!
So, I came out here and sat down in the computer chair, cuz my Coke & cigarettes were out here and the battery on the cordless phone was running down...so, obviously, I'm freaking sitting here naked, with my legs up on the desk, all comfortable & everything, and all of a sudden I hear the front door open!
It was Kevin, and I told Mom Kevin just walked in, I should go get dressed. She said 'oh, yes! get dressed!'
I said, 'well, it's not that big of a deal...he's seen it before...' I left out the fact that that's maybe why we got married...
So, I called Bro this morning & told him how I talked to Mom yesterday, and she sounded strange...like there was something on her mind that she didn't want to say to me. He said he'd like me to try to get her to talk more...cuz, basically, the only person she's actually talking to is our older brother, Psycho.
It seems that Dad told Mom & Bro yesterday separately that he does NOT want the feeding tube, said if he gets it in his stomach, he'll just pull it out! Dad keeps asking (begging!) Mom to get him out of there everytime he talks to her! And Bro just found out yesterday that Psycho had left a note at the nurses station for Dad not to call home!! Grrrrrrr!!! Bro took that order off immediately!! Thank God for Bro, my NORMAL big brother!! My biggest question is WHY does Mom ONLY listen to her Psycho son?? Bro's wife & I call Mom regularly, as do Bro's kids & Tiff! But it's like she won't listen to anyone except her oldest son! Now it's starting to seem as if they both want Dad out of the house permanently! I asked her today,'Well...would you want Dad to do this to you?' She said no, but it's not the same...I don't know what to do....Bro told me this am that if he could, he'd just wash his hands of the whole thing...but he knows he can't!
LibbY!

Monday...phew...

This is SO EXACTLY what I feel like today!


And the woman above is putting up a sign that says "Lost Puppy". Well, it doesn't say it, per se...you have to read it...but you know what I mean...
How in the hell do Russians DO this shit?? Well, at least I waited til after noon...anyway...I was in the kitchen and saw a bottle of Smirnoff sitting...right there, I tellya! So I did what any normal thinking (bored) person would do. I poured a shot, and gulped it. Holy mother of God! And that's actually all there is to say about it. I've had rum...I like tequila (a little too much), I've tried scotch...I LOVE beer (again, too much)...but this shit had me leaning over the sink gagging & coughing!! My God!! What a fuckin' pussy!! I'm really glad nobody's home...
I haven't done shit this weekend...well, I did read the two books I ordered from Amazon last week. They're both by Paul Williams, and they're excellent! "Osama's Revenge", and "The Al Qaeda Connection". Not gonna say much more, but, if you read Al Qaeda Connection, that pretty much spells out why we should crack down on illegal immigration...
I'm pretty much done here...nothin' else to say...I haven't really talked to anyone this weekend, not Kevin, not Tiffany, nobody on the phone...that's probably a good thing, though, as bitchy as I feel...even Truman's avoiding me! Okay...done...
LibbY!

Friday June 9

Okay...now...who in blogland should get this haircut??

It's kinda been a long week. Tiff & I went to the nursing home Wed to visit Dad, and he seems like he's even worse. It's like he's 'fading away'. Not just as in losing more weight (which he is), just, mentally, he isn't here...it's not that he is crazy or Alzheimer-like, or even dementia. He's doing nothing but sleeping, probably 20 hrs out of the day, except when somebody's there. And even when we were there, his nurse got him in a wheelchair, cuz they have a salon there in the building, and it's open 3 days a week for the people that live there. It was closed Wednesday, but we had set it up so that Tiffany could use it to cut Dad's hair out there using that room. They let her do it because she has her salon manager's license. We took him there, and Tiff started cutting his hair, and his head just nodded down until his chin was on his chest, & he was snoring. So she went ahead & cut the back while he was sleeping, and then had to wake him up and make him look ahead so she could do the front.

Dad didn't really talk at all while we were there. Not because he was mad at us or anyting, just...well, I don't think he has the strength to talk. He did whisper once, to ask if Tiffany wanted paid for doing his hair. Cuz, like I've said, money is important for him (I think cuz he didn't have any when he was young, and when he got older & started working, he had enough for anything, even supported his family up in Michigan for years.) Of course she said no, Grandpa! He kept looking at her, like he thought he should anyway, until she finally said, no, Grandma gave me a twenty dollar tip yesterday, and that is plenty to cover this too! So then we took him to the dining room, they were serving lunch. They put a plate of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and a vegetable that looked like sliced up zucchini (bleeaaahhh! I knew he wouldn't want that...hell, I wouldn'tve eaten it if I was being PAID to!!), and a cup of pudding & a bowl of Jello, and a glass of milk (whole milk! I looked at the paper that came with the food to see! Cuz if there's a real important thing he needs, it's FAT!!) But anyway, Tiff had taken the seat between us (she is, and always has been 'Grandpa's girl', even though Bro has 3 girls, 2 of whom are older), and she just leaned over and picked up his spoon, & started feeding him. OMG, I am so proud of her! She's very thoughtful, especially of older people. I told Kevin about that later, and said, well, maybe when WE get old(er), she'll be nice to us, ya think? He just snickered...

Dad ate like 1 bite of meatloaf, 2 bites of potatoes, & half the pudding, half the Jello, and drank half the glass of milk, & his nurse said that was WAY more than he usually eats! I swear, he''s gotta be around, maybe 95 lbs now. It's not that they're starving him out there, or anything. But I do know that he's not only told Bro that he's tired, just wants to sleep now, and his younger sister (8 kids in his family!) the same thing when she was down here to see him.

After we got done with his lunch, we had to take him out in the hallway to wait for the transport van to pick him up, cuz he had an appointment with a doctor at a hospital, Mom & Bro's son were meeting him there. It's to talk to the actual surgeon who would be putting in his feeding tube. But I thought about it all afternoon after I got home, and even though Dad said yes to it when they talked about it a few weeks ago, I thought more & more...would it actually be nicer & more loving, since I now do think he's having a hard time thinking clearly after the mini-strokes he had a couple weeks ago...should we let him just do what he's doing and not eat, until he possibly dies from it? I guess he did say yes he wanted a feeding tube...but that was about a month ago...so now, who knows??? He is 88 years old, and his mind still seems to be there, he just can't talk above a whisper now...but I think his brain still works...after all, the times that Tiff and I have gone out there, he always tells Mom we were there...and knows who has come to see him all the time. Shit, I just don't have a clue what to think! Damn, damn, dammit!! Fuck, fuck, fuck....with a 'horsepiss' thrown in there too! I was gonna call Bro, to get his opinion, but I called his office, and they said he's in Vegas til Sunday. I forgot he was going, it's been planned for a long time, he's taking his two oldest daughters out...one graduated from college, and his oldest daughter just got her master's degree. My head is just all fucked up, trying to figure out WHAT to think!!

LibbY!

6-5-06

All right. Is everybody ready for tomorrow? You know, 6-6-06...I know where I'd go if I could drive..yeah, I'd go straight to Hell (the town in Michigan). I bet they're gonna have fun there tomorrow!

http://www.hell2u.com/whats_happening.htm

Okay, okay, lemme see now...ok, last one....traded it in right after this...
One evening, I was out drinking with a former boyfriend (call him John...most Johns on here are assholes, anyway) in a town he lived in that was about 15 miles away from where we worked (yeah, he was the assistant manager of the store I worked at). We were out with a lot of other people, just going around to a bunch of places. Well, when it got to be around 1:30 am, we all decided we were done, and left to go home. I took John home (to his mommy's house...he was about 23), and I took off down the road to my town, which was still an hour south. I got down the road about halfway home, to where I had to get off the 2 lane road I was on from his town, to get onto the 4 lane highway for the second 1/2 hour to my town. Just as I got off the 2 lane and went down the ramp to the good highway, well, guess what...yup...good old Ivan just never failed me...he stalled!! Remember...it was like 2 in the morning! And there I sit, in my faithful (:-/ ) little Yugo, in the 'breakdown' lane. I think those were probably named after Yugos.
So there I sat, way before cell phones or anything, looking over at the sheriff's office in the town there...but it was about 5 miles away, across fields, and, dammit, I was tired! I sat there trying to figure out what to do, kinda wishing that a cop would pull up, and they could take me there. But then I saw headlights in the rearview mirror, and just kept watching. Pretty soon, I saw that it was a semi, and I was really relieved. Remember, if you EVER have to get a ride with a stranger, there's actually nobody safer to get a ride with than a truck driver! He came up beside the car, and I almost figured it was a truck driver who recognized my Yugo, for heaven's sake, but it wasn't. He gladly gave me a ride back to the sheriff's office, and I got out and called John, and he came and picked me up & took me home. (we got the car the next day). Grrrrrr!!! Okay, that's about it for the Yugo stories. Maybe one more, but that's gonna be the one where I finally trade it in!!
LibbY!
never forget now... Jesus loves you....but I'm his favorite!

Friday...'bout time!

Time for another Yugo story, everyone!!

One morning I was driving to work. The town my job was in was kind of an 'intersection' of a whole bunch of highways, going everywhere! I came in on one highway that I took from my town, and when I entered my 'work town', the road I was on went downhill, and there was a three way stop at the bottom, and the other two streets came in under 2 overpasses. All well and good, until I counted on the Yugo...I went down to the stoplight, and the Yugo just kinda died on me. And no, I was NOT out of gas!
I sat there for probably 5 to 10 minutes, trying to get that f*n' piece of shit started, while being laughed at the whole time by everybody in the cars that were going around me. How humiliating! And the people in the cars didn't even have to see me, all the people that ever went past the store I worked at in the middle of town knew that car was mine!! And this was only a 2 lane road, so it was a total pain-in-the-ass for anybody to wait til the left lane was clear, then pass, and most of the time, by the time they got around me the stinkin' light was red, and they had to stop!!
Finally, a nice truck driver took pity on me, and instead of going around me, got out of his truck and walked up by my window, and asked if I needed a ride to wherever I was going. I said "Sure!", & got out of the car, slammed the door without locking it, and went back to the truck & got in. We rode down to my store, and I got out at the light at that corner, went in, and my manager met me at the front door, and asked what the hell I was doing. And where was my car?? I just looked at him, and said, "Well, M, come on back to the break room and siddown, and I'll tell ya!"
So I'm in the middle of the story, and all of a sudden, the huge head cashier that I scared that one time by hiding in the safe, yelled back that I had a phone call. I went up to the office & got the phone...it was a freakin' cop, and he wanted to know if the Yugo was my car...I said yeah, but I don't admit it much...don't tell anyone...He said it was good that I left the door unlocked, cuz they'd had to have the car towed. (thank you! one more thing I sure didn't have time to mess with! lol!) I think the way it ended up was that M took me to where the car was, and I had to call somebody to have it fixed. Then when I finally got it home here, Dad came & got it and left his car with me for work the next day. And, damn, the next day he had his mechanic guy put a new engine in it!! Dad thought he was doing something really nice (which he really was), but, honestly, I just wanted to take the car back to where I got it, and tell them to stick it up their ass!
Libby

thursday...

Okay, more pictures...

...and I hope nobody needs to be told that NONE OF THESE ARE MINE!!! By the way..Happy Half-Naked Thursday??

All right...I thought I'd post these things on here because everybody thinks 'I'm a troublemaker', and Kim was the only person to 'reap the dubious benefits' of it. HA!! I reaped puh-lenty of the benefits myself!! But, I thank God every day that I never paid for it...unless that's what my ms is...

Adventures with my Yugo (that I was stupid enough to buy after my Honda was totalled).

The first week I went back to work after the car accident that took my WONDERFUL 1982 Honda Civic (grrrrr!), believe it or not, the Yugo drove great, even though I drove over 100 miles every day, because I worked 55 miles north of the town I live in (& always have). So any car had to be dependable, with the amount of miles I put on it! (it usually ended up being about 1,000 miles a week! but I friggin' LOVED to drive!).

The week after that, the stupid red Yugo (that I had already named Ivan! as in, Ivan the red...Ivan the terrible...) just sputtered and stopped on the highway on the way to work...on top of an overpass! Luckily, it was only about 5 miles north of town (thank goodness!), so, after uttering many, many choice swear words, I pulled the car over to the side of the road, got out, locked it, gave it a good hard kick, and ran down the hill at the side of the overpass, cuz it was only 5 miles into town by that road down there, plus, maybe I'd be able to get to a repair shop that way. (this was how life was before cell phones, kids!). So I'm walking down this two lane highway at 7:15 am, knowing that I was going to be late to work (sigh...I knew my store manager wouldn't get mad, though...), and about 5 minutes into the walk, I heard a car coming from behind me, headed into town. That was kind of surprising, that road was usually empty at any time of the day, so I turned around and looked, and backed off the road out of the way. Surprise, surprise, the car went past, then stopped, backed up, and the guy leaned over in the front seat, and rolled down the window. Of course, it WAS an old "hoopty car", as people call 'em now. But he asked me if I wanted a ride into town, and, hoopty or not, it ran better than the Yugo at the moment. I got in, and he started talking, asking why I was walking, etc...(keep in mind...this guy was creepy looking, creepy with a capital creep!). I kept the discussion up, just cuz he was nice enough to give me a ride, then we started talking about our jobs, and I told him what I did and asked what he did, & he said he was in the hazardous material cleanup business! Then I really looked in the backseat, and saw a can that looked like a paint can, only it was labeled "Hazardous waste material! Do not touch!!" and it had a skull & crossbones on it!! Holy shit!!

As soon as we got to the edge of town, I made my excuses, told him thanks, he asked for my phone number, I cheerfully gave it to him (transposing the last 2 numbers, of course!). Once I was out of the car, I could breathe again!! And I went to the closest gas station and, of course, called Dad, he came & got me, called his favorite repair guy (who we got to know well over the next couple months!), and, well, I drove Dad's car to work after I took him home, my car was towed and fixed (thank you, Daddy!!), and there's more about this car in the future...

Libby

....

All right...that cat with its nasty nuts hanging out totally creeped me out too much!! Back to some funny pictures....

Kim called me today and said, "What'd ya want?" I said WTF are you talking about?? She said "your message said you wanted to tell me something..." I finally figured out that I had called Kim's number earlier, instead of my mom's, but I thought it was my mom's number!!

All Kim said after I told her that I meant to call Mom instead, was..."Alzheimer's..."

Well, the only new stuff that's up is that Dad saw his regular dr yesterday & he did a cat scan and said that Dad had had a series of small strokes in the last week. That explains a lot, and in my opinion, he's in the right place now because he's always had a fear of strokes, almost all of his brothers died from them.

However, his doctor said that if Dad's not gonna eat or drink (which he won't...he's severely dehydrated now....), he's gonna put a feeding tube in his stomach (think Terri Schiavo, except Dad could eat if he wanted to!). So that's what's gonna happen soon.

Meanwhile, Mom's doctors are working to schedule chemo for her. That's probably gonna start in the next week or so...

Another Kim & Libby as 15/16 yr olds story...

After Kim decided she wanted to go to the vocational school in town here, cuz she said "I'm not smart enough for college, anyway" I think she could've been better than her grades in school showed, she just didn't want to study (read-too lazy to study)..but...just my opinion. I was told I was smart enough for college, but I just didn't want to go, so I threw a fit at home and Mom & Dad let me transfer out there too, even though I was in accelerated classes geared toward college, as long as I took the data processing class. Kim was in a secretarial class, right next to the class I was in. It was one great big room with typewriters at every desk, computers at our desks (you know...the 'smart kids' class..lol)...and, yes, we had to write computer programs in the BASIC language..soon to be followed by COBOL...shit..how old am I now?

Anyway, so Kim and I sat at two desks that were next to each other, even though we were in different classes, and I was always making smartass remarks to her about her teacher (who honestly WAS a total ditz). So we were always making fun of her, even when her teacher went to my teacher, & they conspired to move my desk!! It's amazing how many times an hour I was able to walk over by Kim! Mostly because my teacher thought her teacher was as stupid as we did!! He even told us! Finally, we must've pushed Mrs B over the edge, cuz Mom cornered me after school one night and said the school called and she & Kim's mom, both of us, & Mrs B were meeting the next morinng at 9 in Mr P's office (he was the superintendent!), and she practically cried (well,ok, she did cry) "what did you do THIS time, Libby??" Crap! Can't that teacher take it?? What a WIMP!!

So, we had the meeting, we talked our way out of trouble because not only was her teacher crying, Mom was too...and Mr P pretty much wrote the whole thing off as "women's vapors". Kim's mom just got pissed at Kim, and told her "quit hanging around with Libby! She's a troublemaker!" Well, okay, I was, but, you hafta remember...I was the idea person...Kim was the one that would actually DO it, if it sounded funny!! And the Kim & Libby sagas go on today...

Libby

Tuesday...feels like Monday...

Wow...hard to believe this is a cat. I think I need to go puke now...

'kay, I'm done.
I'm really happy. My old friend, Mousy, from the store we worked at in, like, 1986, up north called me and we talked for an hour!! It's so cool that we're still friends!! And nobody would've ever guessed that would happen when we first met. People were surprised the first time they saw us out at a bar together, cuz at first when she was hired, we hated each other. I called her (behind her back, of course), a stuck up little teenage cheerleader. She called me (also behind my back) a skinny blonde bitch.
But after a few weeks, we realized that each one was nice (kinda), and everything was great...
I swear, we just sat here & caught up on everything & everyone that we used to hang out with at the store...okay, we gossiped, I admit it! We even laughed about my old boyfriend up there, who turned out to be dating her at the same time, on & off! Whoredog!!
Anyway....my dad was taken to the hospital from the nursing home yesterday, cuz the nurse said he was really unresponsive. Bro & Mom called me from the ER and told me. Then they called back a few hours later and said he was better now since he'd drank a glass of apple juice, and he was on his way back to the nursing home. When I called Mom this morning, she said it's like Dad is trying to starve/dehydrate himself, cuz he's not eating or drinking anything at all out there! Bro had told him the other day that if he wanted to go home, he had to eat something! And Dad told him that he never thought he'd end up like this, for God's sake. He's tired of this. Oh, shit...that's the same thing I've been saying about my health for years! I never wanted to end up like this, either! The big difference is that I was 30...he's almost 90! Okay, okay. I really feel like my whole fuckin' life is out of control right now. Not getting along too wonderfully with my husband right now either. But, I can't go out and 'walk it off' or drive it off...probly a good thing I can't drive at the moment, anyway. I would 'drive it off'. Off the highest fucking bridge I could find!! bullshit, horsepiss, ratshit, batshit...that's all I can think of, anyway...besides fuck,fuck,fuck,fuck ALL of this bullshit!! The last time Tiff mentioned moving out, cuz she's getting to be that age, I said, 'You can't leave me here!!'

Libby

Friday, Memorial day weekend..

Okay, I'm taking today off from thinking about serious shit...
I think it's about time to go get some French vanilla ice cream outta the freezer. I'm kinda gettin' sick of salad. Kevin and his brother are going over to the Nascar truck race tomorrow. I had a ticket, but I really don't wanna go. I guess I'm just not into racing...unless it's a road race. Now that's interesting, more so than going in a circle...

Okay...here's another 'Kim & I story'.
When we were about 15, we were out walking around one night (evening, I guess), and, of course, you know how guys honk at you when they drive by & see a girl (idiots!). So these 2 guys stopped & asked us if we wanted to ride around with them for a while. Of course, we said yes, cuz they had a few quarts of beer in there that we could see. We climbed in, and rode all over town with them, even waited while the driver drove the car over on the really, really, really, bad part of town, and said he needed to go see someone in an apartment upstairs, to get some 'doobie'. So the other guy & us waited in the car (in the dark, behind the apartment, beside a creepy alley...), drinking all the beer and talking. Well, he came back down, and got in, and had the pot. The other guy rolled the joints, and we just sat there and watched, and ooohed & aaahed over his skill (like nobody else in the world back in 1979 knew how to do something that clever...yes, girls learn about manipulation around the age of 15 or so...). Then we rode around town for awhile longer, then went over to the high school and ran around on the football field for awhile...then we had to go home. They dropped us off a few blocks away from home, and we went home, and pretty much forgot about the whole thing. You know, it was just a fun evening, and nothing more.
A couple weeks later, Kim called me at dinnertime. She sounded like she was having a freakin' heart attack or something and asked me if I'd seen the paper yet. I said no, hold on, and went to the living room & got it. Got back to the phone, and she said "Open the cover". I did, and, lo & behold, there was the guy that went up to the apartment that night...he had been indicted on two rape charges! Yeah...don't ever try to tell me that someone wasn't watching out for us. We also found out a few weeks later that the two guys had a habit of hanging out in a parking lot a few houses away from my house!
Libby

Wednesday...can't get MUCH worse, can it? (please no?)

Mmmmmm.....this MUST be a Texas picture, huh?


I had Tiffany take me out to the nursing home Tuesday afternoon so I could see Dad. And, oh, my God. I am so fucking glad I went, just to see for myself how bad he was. I had called the nursing home Monday, and talked to Dad's nurse, and she said he was doing the stuff they told him to.
I STILL am in denial that it was really my DAD!! I know I haven't seen him since Christmastime, but still! I've talked to him on the phone a lot since then, and he's always talked to me, and everything, but yesterday when Tiffany pushed me into his room at the nursing home in my wheelchair, she just stopped and stared, and I was glad she stopped, because I was staring too! That was NOT Dad (it really was)!!When wegot there, and he was laying on his back with his mouth open...and I really thought we were in the wrong room, because that wasn't my dad...it was just an anonymous 150-year old man. And that's exactly what he looked like.
I was trying to wake him up, calling, "Dad...Dad...", and he didn't move or open his eyes, or anything. Then Tiffany starts calling, "Grandpa..Grandpa...", and he still didn't hear us. I got real scared, I was afraid he was dead or something, but Tiff said his chest was moving. We just kept it up, and finally he did wake up, but it took him a few minutes to figure out who we were. And then, when we started talking with him, he hardly said anything, because he really sounded like he had no breath. Then he sat up on the edge of the bed, and I got up out of my wheelchair, and went over & sat on the bed beside him, and just leaned over and hugged him real tight, and put my head on his shoulder, and I had the big 'cry hiccup' so I wasn't sitting there crying on his shoulder, cuz I knew if I did that, all three of us would be crying like idiots, and making a scene or something! Or making 'a spectacle of myself', as Mom always put it! When I was hugging Dad, it honestly felt like hugging a skeleton! Shit! I know he weighs 102 lbs now, but I didn't realize how much different that was from me, at 108 lbs! He's lots bigger-framed than me, and his shoulders felt like there was no skin or anything over his bones. Honestly, I love my Dad, but...Mom isn't well enough right now to take care of him. But I still don't like the thought of Dad living in a nursing home!! I never would've thought it would be like this. Tiff was upset at how Dad couldn't talk, and she took her cell phone out in the hall and called Bro, to tell him how Dad was, cuz we weren't happy at how he was. Bro couldn't come right then, cuz he was on his cell, & on his way to a business meeting, but said he'd send his son over later.
I haven't talked to Bro yet, but I AM gonna ask him, WTF was he thinkin', when he & his wife & kids said, "He looks a lot better now!" No he doesn't! Even Tiff said he doesn't, and she saw him last weekend at home!! God, I SO neverwnt to get to that point!! I hope Dr Kevorkian is out of prison!I Tiff brought me home after that, left, and I went in the bathroom and buried my face in a bathtowel, and screamed & cried. I hate saying that, but DAMN, did I feel better after that!
Libby

Monday, Monday...lah,lah..lah lah lah lah...

All right!! I've fucking HAD IT!! I've been calling Mom at least once a day to make sure everything's okay with her, and she always says she's doing well, but then tells me how bad Dad's doing at the nursing home, and how he calls her all the time & says he wants to come home, and won't cooperate with anybody there. Our oldest brother (54) is at Mom's house all the time for dinner, & to hang out and visit for a few hours afterwards. And, no, he has no girlfriend, no kids, no wife, and no friends! Just cats...TERRIBLY VICIOUS cats that he has brought home when he saw them living wild out in the country when he sees them from his car!

So, last evening, X brought Mom by our house because she wanted to drop off some cake, and then he was going to take her to the grocery store. I think so he could pick out what he wants her to make him for dinner or something...:-/

Right after she left (and, no, X didn't come to the door, he knows he's not welcome here and never will be, after the way he's treated all 3 of us!), Bro called and said he wanted to talk to me. I sat down here, and started to tell him about Mom having been here for a minute with X, and what she said that X had said about the way Dad was doing, and halfway through my sentence when I said X's name, Bro burst out, "X is a fucking asshole!!" Huhh?? I was shocked!! This is the 'diplomatic' brother, who owns his own successful company, has been married for 26 years, has 4 kids, 2 of who have graduated from college, the oldest with a master's, his boy is taking over the company soon, youngest girl still in high school. Ya know, it was like hearing Condoleezza Rice spitting "Kofi Annan's an asshole!!" Anyway...he saId to hold up, I've only heard one side of the story. He said that he, his wife, and all of his kids have been out to see him at various times, and they ALL think he's doing a lot better than before, now that he's eating, and exercising. I talked to his wife, and she said he looks a lot better, and is getting a better attitude. Then she gave the phone to Bro,it turns out he's worried about them wanting to keep him there from now on, when it seems as if, with a nurse that came to visit a couple times a day, and maybe Mobile Meals, he could come home to his house, that he bought back in 1986 and they've lived in since then...and he had it paid off in 5 yrs. Holy shit!! He's right, Mom was bitching to him about Dad yesterday, and Bro said, "Mom, come on. You two have been married way too long (56 years!) to let it end up like this!" Shit, I cannot believe this!! Everyone can think "Oh, it's just sibling rivalry, that's it..."....No, that's not it.You honestly would have to know our family. Bro & X always got along well. I was the only one that didn't like X when we lived at home, and I was in, like, 3rd grade, and X was making me cry and he was yelling at me all the time. I remember crying to Mom about him always picking on me...and he was in his 20's (?). Mom said Libby, he's just jealous of you, I think. What?? I was 8!!, how fucking pathetic and dysfunctional can the situation get?? Yup...say it all together now slowly...Oe-di-pus!!

Libby

Saturday...

I don't know what to write about today. Well, I do, but I'm using severe avoidance tactics to deal with everything going on right now.
My bro went to the hospital Thurs morning, and talked to Dad about the fact that he was going to have to go to a nursing home because of Mom's stage 4 lung cancer, and that she needs to take care of herself right now, and when she's dealing with her diagnosis, she shouldn't have to be depended on to be someone's maid or caregiver. From what I understand, it was all very calm and civil and Dad understood completely where he was going to go, and why. Bro wouldn't let Mom go out there with him, he told her to stay home, he could take care of this...and it seemed like he did, he handled it very well, and diplomatically. (he's always been the go-to guy when me & our oldest brother, or our parents got into it...he likes to say "I'm neutral....think of me as Switzerland!").
So they took Dad to the nursing home yesterday and got him settled. This morning Mom called me and said that Dad had called her Friday night and demanded for her to get him out of there...now! She said well, where should I take you? He thought about it for a second, and said well, maybe you could take me home? She told him no, his doctor and hers both said he can't stay at home with her on their own with no nurses. Turns out, she found out that he wouldn't do anything for himself, refused to eat anything, refused to get out of bed...today he'd refused breakfast, refused to get out of bed and get dressed and get up...holy shit! Now you can see exactly where I get my bullheaded-ness from, huh? I don't know anything about nursing homes at all, but in my Dad's situation, the doctor wants him to get up and move, even if it's just to the tv room where other people are, he even wants him to get some physical therapy. Which Mom joked with the dr about...'you gotta be kidding! somebody's gonna have to be standing over him with a whip for that!' and the dr said, well, somebody out here WILL make him do it. Aaahhh, it really is worse than anybody knew. Mom said he's had a habit lately of sittting in their rocking chair in front of the bigscreen tv with a blanket...over his head. And when she was there this morning, he looked at her and asked her who she was. She said Oh Bob, you know exactly who I am! But yet, all the tests they've done on him, all the dr's say he does not have Alzheimer's.This whole thing just sucks, and nobody can DO shit about it! I just found out today that my oldest brother was the only one who talked to Mom's dr after surgery, and when he told him about the cancer being stage 4, he also used the word grim. I know, I know....It is what it is...well, pardon my mouth, but what it is, is a big fat load of horseshit!! Dammit!!
Libby

wednesday....

Well....now my dad's in the hospital. He went to his regular dr for, like, a checkup yesterday, and the dr checked him out, and said, "You belong in the hospital now!", because he's so unhealthy, is now down to 102 lbs (he used to be 150+!), he does nothing but sleep all the time, doesn't eat more than a couple bites of food at a time, then goes back to the couch and goes back to sleep. Holy crap!
My bro took them to the dr yesterday, Mom called me last night & told me about him having to be in the hospital, and she actually sounded a little relieved that she'd be able to sleep. And I felt good for her too, as bad as I feel for Dad. Life will be much more settled and peaceful for her.
But I called bro on his cell today, and he said that honestly, he thinks Dad walked out the door of his house for the last time yesterday...he's going to a nursing home next, as far as what his dr thinks. Dr has set him up with all kinds of tests for the last year, chest x-rays, and every other test they do to an 88-year old man. And Dad never went to any of them! Now bro & I are worried that even if they find something wrong, they won't be able to fix it, because he's so weak now! Geeez....a month ago, everybody thought everything was great...including Mom! She said before she found out about the cancer, she felt great! Actually, she still says she does!! So WTF is up with life?
Outta here...
Libby

Monday...and Kev's on vacation this week!!

No, no, this isn't Truman...he's far too sophisticated for this kind of crap (at least, that we know of).
I hope everybody had a great & wonderful Mother's Day!!
Kevin made me a cool card on the computer about how raising a daughter is so hard, and we'll laugh about it all someday...cuz that's what people usually do in insane asylums. And Tiff got me a Cookie Monster card that said I love cookies...& Mommy!!! And flowers. Tiffany & I went to Kev's mom's church with her and Kev's sister & her daughter (5 yrs old) for the mother's day mother/daughter thingy, and Tiff & Kat & her little girl showed up wearing t-shirts they'd made that were cool, and said "I love Mom!". How keey-ute!!
My mom still can't go anywhere, but I do call her everyday, and Tiff's over there right now, and so is my cool brother, and they're having Chinese food for dinner...GOOD! Better them than me!! I'm picky, don't like Chinese food...well...I like Ramen noodles (did you say Ramen poodles, Jill??).
Anyway, all the shit's still up in the air about what'll happen with Mom (& Dad). A social worker from the assisted care place they've been talking to was over there with my brother Friday, doing an evaluation on their levels of disability. I guess they're coming back this Friday to go over it. But, as far as anything goes, I absolutely am sure my dad needs a nursing home, and Mom would be great at an assisted care place. And she's saying that too. Because, ok, Mom has already had about 4 heart catheterizations, and her blood pressure is up around 180...she takes a lot of heart pills...today when I called her she had just taken a digitalis, cuz she said her chest was feeling tight. I asked why, she said my dad's still laying in bed, and just called her to bring him a ginger ale (from the other end of the house, of course...). The dr's have Mom on oxygen sometimes (she can take it off & put it on when she feels she needs it). So the company delivered it the other day, after the guy left, Dad walked in there and looked at it, and said "Insurance better be paying for that! I personally don't even think you need it...." and walked away 'grumble, grumble...' And this July will be their 56th anniversary....anyone with a doubt of whether love or money is more secure...read this again!
Okay, I'm done with this for now...
Libby!

Thursday....

My brother brought Mom home from the hospital Tuesday...now she's at home with Dad, and, actually, well, she told me the first time I called her after she got home she wished she was back in the hospital. Not because she feels bad physically, but because my dad is driving her crazy. I guess he's being his usual happy-go-lucky self...not! No, my dad has always been the crabbiest person I know, and bossiest...he was a pretty big boss at work, he must have been hell to work for. I know when he retired from his job, when I was a junior in high school, he never had friends that called him or anything. I thought that was weird at the time, but as I've gotten older, I realized you reap what you sow....
When I talked to Mom yesterday at 10 am, she was really pissed, & I don't blame her a bit! Wouldn't you think that when a person has been in the hospital for 4 days, had a lung biopsy, and been told that she has stage 4 lung cancer, she ought to be in bed, not doing SHIT, trying to get used to everything you've learned? Well, turns out Mom had to make dinner Tuesday night & clean up after, of course, yesterday he yelled at her to make his coffee, then while we were on the phone, he was yelling at her that he wanted her to make him a scrambled egg for breakfast...
...and here I sit, halfway across town, and I can't drive to get over there or anything, and she better not drive either...Kev's at work, Tiff's at work...I was on the phone with her this morning, and heard the other phone click a couple times when he picked up the phone to listen. Unbelievable! Now does everybody understand WHY I got pregnant & married before I graduated? And when I took Tiffany & left him, I rented an apartment for me & Tiff...no freakin' WAY was I gonna go home, even though they wanted us to.
Mom told me on the phone today that my older (not oldest) brother is coming over today, and the two of them are gonna go check out an assisted living/nursing home for them today. He & I talked about it over the weekend, and, honestly, Dad's the one that needs a nursing home, but assisted living will be good for mom too. Brother's been going through all their insurance papers to check stuff out all weekend, they still have his ins from work,+ Medicare, & Social Security, pension, so a lot of stuff'll be taken care of...the whole thing just sucks ass, that's all! When they sold the big 3 story house in 1986, & bought the one story house, everything was supposed to be perfect, wasn't it???? SHIT!!!
But I'm awful glad I had the steroids when I did, so I still feel good enough to deal with this. Oh, by the way, I found a really good breakfast today...a 1/4 gallon of Nestle's French Vanilla Ice Cream!! Mmmmmmmm....
Libby

tuesday...

I guess I was wrong when I thought that life was done kicking me in the ass for at least a little while...teach me to think, huh? No, that's not right. Usually if that ever happens, I get over it, blah, blah, blah. But, everything since Friday still has me fucking trying to figure out which way is up or down...I've heard the term 'soul searching' before, but I truly never grasped the real concept until this weekend. Mom had a biopsy on one of her lungs Friday at the James cancer center in Columbus. She's already had a third of the other lung removed about 5 years ago...she's never had anyproblems with that one anymore,but a few weeks ago, the dr didn't like what he saw on this one, so he biopsied it Friday. My Dad didn't go to Columbus with her for the 4 days, cuz his health is not even close to being that good anymore, so my middle brother & his family have been keeping him fed, taking food over to him, etc. And my oldest brother works in Columbus, so he's been able to be at the hospital a lot with Mom. Oh, by the way...my middle brother called me Friday night...Mom has stage 4 lung cancer...
Before Kev, Tiff, & I went down there to see her for a few hours Sunday, my midddle brother called and told me that Dad had called him that morning at 8 am, and told him "I've looked all over the house all morning for your mother, and I don't think she's here. I don't think she was even home last night..."
Libby! Gotta stop...

Friday!! and it's SUNNY!! two days in a row!!

Wow!! It's really great to feel like this. Ya know, not tired & dragged out all the time. Prednisone has to be my favorite drug EVER!! uhhh...do I sound like Patrick Kennedy here? Nope, not touching that one....

Okay, I've got a few of the pictures from the radio show...Tiff's doing the eyebrow waxing, & you won't believe Candy / Jesse!! Candy's about 7 months pregnant with her first baby (she's the one I told it'd be a girl a couple days b4 she got her ultrasound). When they were on the air, one of the dj's said she should name her daughter Jesse, when she has her! I think that would be neat! Even as a middle name!
I am getting way worse about eating today! It's weird, sometimes when I'm on pred, I get real hungry, then other times, I don't....guess what kind of time this is...I've tried to explain it to Kevin, it feels like my stomach is just eating itself! Between 7 am & noon, I had 2 strawberry shortcake ice cream bars, one of those new Wendy's deli-style sandwiches (leftover from last night), a handful of twizzlers, and a pepperoni hot-pocket...oh, yeah, and don't forget about 1/2 gallon of chocolate milk, a bunch of orange juice...holy shit! At least my jean shorts don't feel too tight...(yet?).
Tiff did my ms avonex shot again last night. She's been doing it once a week for at least a month now, and she's so good at it! I told her last night I was really proud of her for doing that for me...especially since I know she has absolutely no interest in doing anything 'nurse-like'...I watch all the surgery channels on tv while they're eating, and Kev & Tiff bitch when we're eating pizza & I turn on the show about Dr G, Medical Examiner. She's pulling the brain out, Kev & Tiff & Zak are retching, and I'm 'diagnosing', while I'm eating! :-/
I was wrong about Zak's graduation, it's this weekend. So Tiff's up there til Sunday. She got stuff like, hundreds of balloons, and a huge blow-up palm tree that holds a bunch of beer & ice, and everything.
Okay....Kim called this morning, and I'll do something about that tomorrow...it's kinda funny, but really gross, mixed in with something very odd...
BoUnCeS!! LibbY!

More randomness...

Hmmm...happy Mother's Day??

I'm just happy I didn't qualify for this picture!

Tiffany & a co-worker, Candy, did a commercial yesterday on a local radio station. Actually, they were there during the whole morning show, from 7 to 9 am. Tiff waxed one of the dj's eyebrows while they were there, and they were all making fun of him for whining, and they put pictures of it on the website! There's also a picture of Candy beside Jesse, from Toy Story 2, because they look SO MUCH alike!! (keep in mind, Jesse is a WOODEN DOLL!!). Then they were doing the promotion for the commercial, it's a big bunch of stuff for Mother's Day and everything. Then they were asking the girls 'tell us about your mom', and Tiffany said "My mom's my hero! And I know you're listening, so Hi Mom!" I almost started crying! But....I guess that's what comes with pms, & all...my cousin & I laugh about the time we were watching tv, and she started crying at a coffee commercial, for heaven's sake!!

Kevin said a lot of the geeses' eggs are hatching out at Verizon, too. They have a big pond out behind the building he works at, and there's so many geese out there, I always tell him he should have his dad & brother go out there hunting one night, and we could have a deep fried goose for Thanksgiving...anyway, he said the babies look funny, they're all green, their feathers don't get that brown mix into them for a while. I said, so it looks like a bunch of mama geese with frogs following them around? He said, well, actually, yes! But he isn't sure how long the babies will be there, cuz there's some stray cats hanging out there in the country around that building...mmmm, lunch!

And I just ripped up some pieces of bread in little pieces, and threw them outside for the birds that always hang out chirping here outside the window, so Truman could hang out here on his 'kitty condo' beside the window & look at them. Then it started to look like it was gonna rain! Kev called on lunch, and I said 'I threw bread pieces out in the yard for the birds, and now it's gonna rain!! Wahhh!' He said that's ok...we'll just grow a bread tree, I guess...

Okay, I guess I'm done...not much else...I'm just really restless now after the steroids, and I'm busy, uhhhhhh, eating!! As a matter of fact, I hear a box of strawberry shortcake ice cream bars in the freezer calling me right now...after I finish my second sloppy joe here...

BoUnCeS!! LibbY!

continued from Mon, May 1 post...if you didn't read that, you oughtta read it first

Okay…to continue with yesterday’s post on “the rickshaw solution”. My cousin and I had an extensive conversation on some more creative and fun ideas to do with them…I know if I could do the rickshaw drag, I’d have a helluva time with it! We decided that, since we’re in Ohio, and people here always talk about “we’re going to Amish country this weekend! Yippee!”…sounding like they’re little kids talking about going to Cedar Point or the zoo or something…sheesh! I know, it’s something enjoyable to a lot of people, but just not my cup of tea (or can of Coke). It just brings me a picture in my mind of people going there, wandering around among “the Amish”, looking curiously at them like they’re wandering around in the exotic animal exhibit at the zoo. Maybe it’s just me, but I’d feel all degraded if I was Amish and people treated me like that. But anyway, we decided that we could set up “rickshaw town”. She even chose the perfect town for it up in northwest Ohio! That would be a huge income for the whole part of Ohio! A tourist attraction, if you will…
Okay, that thought led to something…during all the festivals in that area all summer (like the testicle festival…do not disbelieve me here…I worked in that area for two years, and I KNOW FOR A FACT they have one up there…look it up! They actually deep-fry them and serve them…TO EAT!! They’re said to be delicious with beer.) We could set up rickshaw races, with just the ‘draggers’ pulling empty carts around the track…for an extra challenge for the men & women that were the best, maybe we could have them compete against horses (not real racehorses) with a sulky with a rider in it. Then I had to put one more nail in the coffin when I caught my breath after we’d been killing ourselves laughing for about 10 minutes. For the really daring, tough guys that wanted to…we’d let them do a rickshaw demolition derby! I’m disturbed and out of control now, maybe I could blame it on the 1000 milligrams of ‘liquid prednisone’ that’s going into my veins for a half hour a day!
But, I’m working on something that could tie it in and maybe help the illegal aliens with working on getting citizenship. Our federal government could supply a rickshaw to people that wanted to become legal, and once they did that job for 5 years, and take the citizenship classes, and be fluent in English, and had no criminal record or arrests, that could maybe somehow speed things up for them. Also, Tx brought up the point yesterday that it may not be good for some people’s health. Okay. We’ll also spring for a total physical exam, to be repeated every year. We can afford that, because we’ll be getting taxes on their income, and hopefully some deal can be made with an insurance company to give a super good deal to all ‘draggers’, illegal or citizens, and that may help defray the losses of the hospital bills that don’t currently get paid (like emergency room visits).
Well, I think that’s all I can come up with for that right now…
BoUnCeS!! LibbY!

I am SO friggin' smart....

...sometimes I scare myself!!

Would this be a solution to some of America's problems today??

This would kill a bunch of birds with one stone. RICKSHAWS, that's the solution!

#1 - no more gas stations for you. You could sit there on your cell phone, and not have to worry about paying attention to the road, or other crazy drivers. You could calmly sit there and wave leisurely at the 'dummies' that are sitting in line at the gas stations, waiting impatiently to pay $75.00, just so they can get to work faster! What?? Why? So they can make more money to give to the gas station, etc, etc, etc. And so it goes....

#2 - Obesity in the United States is at a record high, and people just don't know what to do to lose weight. Eureka!! No more crap about how expensive a gym is to work out in! Walking & liifting weights are some of the best exercises you can do for yourself! People would start to be fit again, and feel much better about themselves, therefore, America would be the good looking nation it has always been!

#3 - This could do away with a lot of the unemployment. Rickshaw drivers (draggers) would get paid just like taxi drivers. Only they would have a lot less expensive maintenance on their vehicles! I can just see a body shop with a rickshaw on the lift.."Well, it looks like you're missing your catalytic converter, your muffler must've fallen off at some time...."

#4 - You have lazy teenagers that just WILL NOT get a job? There'll be no better of a character-building tool as a rickshaw dragger for their first job. When they're finally ready to grow up & realize that you HAVE to work in the real world, there will be no other 'first job' that'll speak better of their character, their commitment, oh, everything! After all, if you want a damn good worker, you hire the person that really wants a better job than what they used to have. And, as far as a lazy person thinks, well, what job wouldn't be better than 'rickshaw dragging'?

#5 - And last, but not least...so much for the fallacy that America does less than nothing to help out on the 'global warming' problem!

Okay...those are just some ideas I've been working on this weekend...

....another idea just came to me...'undocumented workers' could get applications for citizenship after they are rickshaw draggers for 5 years, if they have no criminal record, and are fluent in English after taking classes for it. Also, they MUST pass a yearly physical....I'm still thinking about some more stuff to put in here...

BoUnCeS!! LibbY!